Main aisa hi hoon….!

We are - what we are?
what we do?
who we are?
why we are??

Complex questions raising its hood at regular instances, off late.

Who am I? Am I, what I think I am, or I am not? Realise there are so many layers, or rather avatars, which one is ordained to slip into, and go through the ritual before the real self is revealed. Sometimes its like switching roles with so much ease, switching masks, senses, moods, wants, all racing and going clickety clak in the blessed brain, before it comes to a standby mode, when you get to reflect; or sometimes just too exhausted with this swirling trips that you just get on into the next oncoming train, of thought.

Reminded of this basic Hindu philosophy wherein the layers of self, peel like the layers of an onion only to reveal the nothingness, which again is THE existential being…or whatever! And yes maybe I m going through this process!! Wow, that’s a revelation!

Coming back to my initial question, are we what we are, because of what we do or what we think? A single action or thought cannot catalogue us or comparmentalise us into rigid slots. Agreed, maybe it’s a cluster of thoughts pertaining to a particular subject, which in some amoebic form stays in the mind, suspended, feeling its way, ruminating as to, has it come to stay or its just a passing visit, before being evicted out, or taken into the folds with open arms. Am not sure at all, if I am making any sense here.

The bottom line being what you perceive your self to be, over the years, is not as heartening as you would want it to be; I mean what you see, the end product! Some people sort of mould or shape themselves, right from their early years, you know, chipping, polishing, as they would a piece of art; that is what one is supposed to do I guess. As for me, and I tell myself that there are others out there too, who just let the evolution do its part!! I mean allow ourselves to evolve. The application part, has always been very spasmodic, not a sustained religious one. And the real downside to this entire thought process has been that, when I see a glimpse of my ‘ laidback’ shades in my progeny there is this huge load of guilt and remorse which seems to stifle and throttle me with questions, answers for which I have none.


Had been listening to the local FM for the past couple of days last week, which seemed to slowly cast a sort of mesmerizing spell, and weekend, got myself drenched, sodden with some long forgotten old time favourite numbers. How you get sucked into this soulful music, especially so when its those which had been part of your growing up years, seems so much etched, part of you. ‘Yesterday, The winner takes it all, look away, …and lots more. Was suffused with a sense of absolution, a great way to start the week I presume.