grounded..reality check..(chopped wings)...

Yes, have made this ‘decision’ of going no more in circles, (it’ll be in squares, can hear a voice quip), and am not going to allow any voice have its say, in the long run. Trying to exercise, some auto suggestion techniques, here. Now on its going to be one straight fast lane, no turns, no detours, no stopovers (what a dreary path). Its going to be fine, stick to your lane, look ahead, and keep moving. Sticking to the lane has been the toughest call and will be, but guess shall make it. And yes the reality part. Curtain calls for all hazy mazey blurry imaginations, visualizations. They’re all just what they are – imaginations, nothing more nothing less. Yes a part of me is being asked to squash up, give up ‘things’; but the clearing up stuff, annual spring cleaning, does good! (it better)

Having said all of that, some musings on my innate tie, communion with music; (which again is never going to allow me to cruise along ‘straight’) . On top of the list was Somebody’s me. From the moment he starts with you…the world would stop. This guy has it to stop a million worlds I guess, anyhow, was telling myself if you fail to react, respond(strongly), to this one, irrespective of age, place, sex(am not sure about that one), one need to better check up their hormonal levels. Convinced myself that, it’s this guy, who has the entire, supposedly weaker section of the population at his feet, who is casting this magic. And then bang on this song had to land from out of nowhere, and...keeps me rooted too. Bubbly its called, though its got absolutely nothing bubbly about it. So maybe when they sing cry their souls out, with minimal music (banging), it gets to me.

And the worst part, this soul stirring music helps me least, in this not-so-simple, not-so-easy (arduous) journey of keeping my feet well rooted to the ground. But then without these ‘minor distractions’, am never going to make it anywhere, anyways, so as well take them.

Hoping, no, am sure that this AST (Autosuggestiontherapy) thing is going to work out, straighten me out, or rather just my grey cells a bit, on second thoughts, hope I am left with few curves though!!

BD blues!

Birthdays tend to have this sobering effect. Jeez..people do love you, people do remember you, people do care enough to send across their wishes.

Strikes you as how, in this roulette wheel of life, the great wheel comes to a slow grinding halt for a day and, people who do think, you are special, are there right before you! And then life rolls on, all over again!

So still hanging on to the upbeat mood, still savouring the last few crumbs of the special day, still reluctant to slip into the maddening ‘goinincircles’ mode. State of bliss is fine, even if (i allow it) for jus a day, and love this Tagore’s quote ‘pleasure is like a frail dewdrop, while it laughs it dies.’

some experimenting....

Play dumb
Try staying numb
What is, to construe
Can’t glean a clue
Safe and sound
Tumults abound
Jee le
ya..

Main aisa hi hoon….!

We are - what we are?
what we do?
who we are?
why we are??

Complex questions raising its hood at regular instances, off late.

Who am I? Am I, what I think I am, or I am not? Realise there are so many layers, or rather avatars, which one is ordained to slip into, and go through the ritual before the real self is revealed. Sometimes its like switching roles with so much ease, switching masks, senses, moods, wants, all racing and going clickety clak in the blessed brain, before it comes to a standby mode, when you get to reflect; or sometimes just too exhausted with this swirling trips that you just get on into the next oncoming train, of thought.

Reminded of this basic Hindu philosophy wherein the layers of self, peel like the layers of an onion only to reveal the nothingness, which again is THE existential being…or whatever! And yes maybe I m going through this process!! Wow, that’s a revelation!

Coming back to my initial question, are we what we are, because of what we do or what we think? A single action or thought cannot catalogue us or comparmentalise us into rigid slots. Agreed, maybe it’s a cluster of thoughts pertaining to a particular subject, which in some amoebic form stays in the mind, suspended, feeling its way, ruminating as to, has it come to stay or its just a passing visit, before being evicted out, or taken into the folds with open arms. Am not sure at all, if I am making any sense here.

The bottom line being what you perceive your self to be, over the years, is not as heartening as you would want it to be; I mean what you see, the end product! Some people sort of mould or shape themselves, right from their early years, you know, chipping, polishing, as they would a piece of art; that is what one is supposed to do I guess. As for me, and I tell myself that there are others out there too, who just let the evolution do its part!! I mean allow ourselves to evolve. The application part, has always been very spasmodic, not a sustained religious one. And the real downside to this entire thought process has been that, when I see a glimpse of my ‘ laidback’ shades in my progeny there is this huge load of guilt and remorse which seems to stifle and throttle me with questions, answers for which I have none.


Had been listening to the local FM for the past couple of days last week, which seemed to slowly cast a sort of mesmerizing spell, and weekend, got myself drenched, sodden with some long forgotten old time favourite numbers. How you get sucked into this soulful music, especially so when its those which had been part of your growing up years, seems so much etched, part of you. ‘Yesterday, The winner takes it all, look away, …and lots more. Was suffused with a sense of absolution, a great way to start the week I presume.