Solitude

moments we sometimes steal,
and relish and treasure;
an exposure to what we feel,
be it sheer pain or pleasure.

moments we happen to stumble upon
revealing a wide myriad of thoughts;
edging us to reflect, but move on
while unraveling life's, jumbled knots.

for some, the call comes often,
for many, it is never heard.
through the years it may lessen,
when you mind is safely fettered.

So the serpent dance, seems to be drawing to a close, or so I would like to think; the two headed one. I m not a Geminian for sure, but twin avatars entwined as one, I sure am. Or hoping to make it a ‘was’.

There is this sane, mature, ‘regular’ me who seems to be mellowing down with age, gracefully, the mind being more tuned to things, which are calming, which has more depth, things which make you both change or accept your ancestry, your beliefs , your self-procured knowledge about the world at large, and your own limitations, qualifications and reinstating the stance of, where I stand in the overall equation of things.

And then ofcourse there is this other part, the more sinister one, the more effervescent one, the more volatile one; the one over which I have not, much control, and at many instants of time, didn’t want to !! But now, I would think the game is over, the coins are to go back into their boxes, and the board closed shut. Keeping the lid shut, might work in snuffing out the serpentine form, from raising its hood, ever so often. Will it work in silencing the haunting sweet notes that seem to drift in from nowhere, making me dance to its tune, with abandon? Will it make the words that seem to rule my senses, vanish, and be banished away to a distant land? Will it still my restless soul, plagued by a dull throbbing ache, which seems to take ages, to fade away?

If it does, do I cease to be who I am? Atleast I would have a form, which does not play tricks, with my mind, heart and soul. A form which would be set, stable and cognizable; sans the allusions and delusions. A form which I better get used to; a ‘me’, I should begin to or try to, identify with more, and fasten myself to. As the snake sheds its coat, I assume at this point in my life, I rip off this second skin of mine, and slither into the maddening crowd. The coat that grows on me, with time, will tell…..

Hooded Girl...

Childhood trapped, gawd how it stifles,
Maidenhood lived and borne, behind veiled cells.

Eyes that seem, to probe and dare,
Speaks so much, with just a glare.

Innocence, wiped away and shredded.
Left with a weighing maturity, and dread.

If it is to shield and screen,
What is left to dream and preen?

The delicate neck, the quivering lips,
The flowing tresses, the swaying hips.

Concealed, are the thoughts- aborted;
Buried along with wishes- thwarted.

Childish whims, misty muses,
Dainty dreams n’ crazy fancies.

Curbed and Stowed away early,
You’re a mellowed woman, my girly.

As the rain drops fall,
The gentle pit-pat,
The slow drenching,
I go for the run.

As my curls dance,
Skin tickles and
Face being caressed,
Turn away.

When the rays ,
Warms, revives and
Thaws me;
Pull out the shades.

Walk on the grass;
Feel the verve,
Pulsate and throb.
Step onto the tiles.

As i behold the scene,
The splendour of it;
As it drugs n mesmerises,
Glance away.

Tentative,
Have always been.
Darting movements
As befits, a fish; I am.

As the bud yearns for the rays,
As the earth for the drops,
To bloom and thrive
So do I.

Few words from Tagore’s, which i guess would make some sense, somewhere...
“ He who can open the bud does it so simply.
He gives it a glance, and the life-sap stirs through its veins.
At his breath the flower spreads its wings and flutters in the wind.
Colours flush out like heart-longings, the perfume betrays a sweet secret.
He who can open the bud does it so simply.”

Softly...

The soft ball came thudding,
Hit me gently;
But the waves
Resounded, through the day.

The moment
The thud;
The memory
It revived.

The fuzzy cloud
Stayed, but for a while.
The moment(s) though
Etched, for an infinite time.
Realized.

Motley again!!

Although had planned to type away on topics totally unrelated, all that stays impringed on the mind are the scenes of horror and tragedy that seems to have struck the unfortunate few/many, simply because they chose to, happen to be there at that moment of time. What background, what influence, what drilling and what drive, that singular drive could make them spray bullets, as they did, puncturing the bodies of their fellowmen, at will, at ease as if they were mere flies??? The strain of thoughts that would run through their minds, and what led their mind to turn all so twisted, is a heavy question, one that would for sure, yeild some real contorted, answers.

Had the opportunity to go through Kahlil Gibran's writings recently. And it was a revelation. Was touched, moved and inspired. Moved visibly. A writing that goes a long way in reacing out to you, and staying with you for quite some time. Especially so his 'Prophet'. Yes, many find it too prophetical, i found it refreshingly enlightening, though put it that way it does seem all heavy. Well, each to his own, personally, absolutely loved his thoughts and thirst for more!


So cricket has been on a high! On a roll! Left me wondering, how long it would be before the magic and the mantras of the cricketdom, would cease to have its effect on me, being 'physically' away from it all. How many millions more or still hanging on to the few strings that keep them connected to this enigmatic sport, phenomenon, only for the inexplicable surge of joy that it happens to bestow on its ardent, faithful followers! Vive La Cricketo!!

Had been meaning to write about this serious topic of religion, in an off-tangent sense, for some time now, but not been able to do it. (So here goes a fresh attempt again, and more so as there has been some headline news with regard to this!) Nothing to do with the core topic, but how it changes people, or rather how or why people change religions!! Have had few personal experiences where ive seen people shifting towards another faith, close friends; and other experiences where friends again, who have made attempts to make me follow suit!! Now again these individuals are sane, sensible, very practical down to earth people, and people whom ive known for years. And when you see them being chaged, morphed, into entities totally strange to you, it has an eerie effect, to put it lightly. No, im not against people changing thier faiths, beliefs, it is absolutely personal. But its just that, when i try to put myself in their shoes, it just doesnt seem to fit! Left with questions like, would i, will i ever, is it not losing an essential part of your very identity/self? maybe not. Well too many questions and too many answers i would think. Well comfort myself with the thought that, what makes them happy,strong, fulfilled and grateful and hopeful with respect to 'their' life, is a very valid factor, for the path they have chosen, in combating, confronting and embracing life.